Title: Just Say It Already
Author: Juliada3
Reviewer: GuiLun41
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/juliada3/
Title: 3.5/5
The title is fine, the "It" should not be capitalized.
Forewords: 8/10
Adding more information into the characters descriptions would help the reader have a better understanding of the characters abilities.
Plot: 17/20
Being a GuiLun fan as well, I enjoy reading all kinds of stories. I really enjoyed your story and
Originality: 6.5/10
The story is a bit predictable, but with the different twists you had weren't so bad.
Style of Your Writing: 10/15
It was really well written and the paragraphs were spaced out fine. No faults.
Its good that you changed your writing style from script to dialoged-- Based on the previous reviewer's tips.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 14/15
I found very little mistakes in your writing.
Descriptions and Word Choice: 8/10
You had pretty good descriptions, especially during action and romance scenes.
Appearance (Poster and Background): 7/10
The background and poster were very nice, not boring at all, the text blended well with the background and was not difficult for me to read.
Creativity and Bonus: 2/5
I am REALLY sorry for handing this in late. T__T REALLY sorry.
Total: 76/100
Great job(: again, truly sorry for the very late entry.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Review Number 9
Title: First Last Kiss
Author: yalunxgui
Reviewer: Luluangel
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/loveguilun/
Title: 4/5
The title fit the story fairly well.
Forewords: 7/10
The forewords for the most part didn't tell me much what would happen next in the story... other than the fact that Gui Gui was moving to Taiwan, and was scared of being around Boys because she had been going to a all girls school all her life. Mainly your forewords were the songs lyrics of the song that motivated you to write, and not alot for just the story... I think you could've made the forewords for the story a little longer, and a bit more descriptive.
Plot: 18/20
The story isn't completed yet.. So I can't really be accurate about the plot... but It sounds pretty good.
Originality: 9/10
The story of a girl just moving back to Taiwan from Korea is not commonly written, and I like how Gui Gui had thought Hebe was her friend, and how Hebe made Gui promise her that she wouldn't steal his heart. I think this was a really good idea, and how Gui Gui struggles to keep the promise she had made to Hebe.
Style of Your Writing: 14/15
Straight forward, and easy to understand. Well-typed.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 14/15
There was only a little amount of spelling mistakes, and grammar mistakes. But nothing too much to be worried about.
Descriptions and Word Choice: 9/10
Really descriptive. Words easy to understand.
Appearance (Poster and Background): 8/10
I really liked the poster, though the background sometimes blended in with the font color, therefore making it harder for the reader to read the words.
Creativity and Bonus: 5/5
Overall Total: 88/100
I enjoyed reading your story! Thankyou for choosing Timeless-Memories. Hope to hear from you soon.
Author: yalunxgui
Reviewer: Luluangel
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/loveguilun/
Title: 4/5
The title fit the story fairly well.
Forewords: 7/10
The forewords for the most part didn't tell me much what would happen next in the story... other than the fact that Gui Gui was moving to Taiwan, and was scared of being around Boys because she had been going to a all girls school all her life. Mainly your forewords were the songs lyrics of the song that motivated you to write, and not alot for just the story... I think you could've made the forewords for the story a little longer, and a bit more descriptive.
Plot: 18/20
The story isn't completed yet.. So I can't really be accurate about the plot... but It sounds pretty good.
Originality: 9/10
The story of a girl just moving back to Taiwan from Korea is not commonly written, and I like how Gui Gui had thought Hebe was her friend, and how Hebe made Gui promise her that she wouldn't steal his heart. I think this was a really good idea, and how Gui Gui struggles to keep the promise she had made to Hebe.
Style of Your Writing: 14/15
Straight forward, and easy to understand. Well-typed.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 14/15
There was only a little amount of spelling mistakes, and grammar mistakes. But nothing too much to be worried about.
Descriptions and Word Choice: 9/10
Really descriptive. Words easy to understand.
Appearance (Poster and Background): 8/10
I really liked the poster, though the background sometimes blended in with the font color, therefore making it harder for the reader to read the words.
Creativity and Bonus: 5/5
Overall Total: 88/100
I enjoyed reading your story! Thankyou for choosing Timeless-Memories. Hope to hear from you soon.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Review Number 8
Author: Haine
Reviewer: GuiLun41
URL: winglin.net/fanfic/hainexazien
Title: 4/5
I thought the title matched the story fairly well.
Forewords: 10/10
Perfect! i thought the forewords were very well written and had enough description to keep readers guessing what going to happen.
Plot: 16/20
It seemed a little hard for me to imagine Li Xin deciding to just live with Le Cai.
Originality: 8/10
The storyline is one that is not commonly used among other fanfics i have read. Especially the characters. I wasn't used to reading different names of the characters. So it was a challenge for me to read it while mixing up the names. But eventually i got used to it.
Style of Your Writing: 14/15
Well typed, and not in script form.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 13/15
I saw a few grammar, spelling, and puncuation mistakes. but nothing too serious. But i did spot one mistake that bothered me a little.
Example: Chapter 8
"...I looked up at him. "You don't understand, my life, Wen Jun, you don't understand any of it!..."
In this you wrote 'Wen Jun' but i think you really meant to put Le Cai.
Descriptions and Word Choice: 7/10
There were minor charater that were explained alot more than they should. This makes the reader think that they will=2 0become important later on. Such as the maid in Wen Jun's house and the three boys in chapter one.
Appearance (Poster and Background): 10/10
The poster and background was able to help the mood of the story. The background and the text fit together perfectly, and gave no difficulties for me to read.
Creativity and Bonus: 5/5
Overall total: 87/100
I had fun reading the story(: Thank you for choosing
timeless-memories!
Reviewer: GuiLun41
URL: winglin.net/fanfic/hainexazien
Title: 4/5
I thought the title matched the story fairly well.
Forewords: 10/10
Perfect! i thought the forewords were very well written and had enough description to keep readers guessing what going to happen.
Plot: 16/20
It seemed a little hard for me to imagine Li Xin deciding to just live with Le Cai.
Originality: 8/10
The storyline is one that is not commonly used among other fanfics i have read. Especially the characters. I wasn't used to reading different names of the characters. So it was a challenge for me to read it while mixing up the names. But eventually i got used to it.
Style of Your Writing: 14/15
Well typed, and not in script form.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 13/15
I saw a few grammar, spelling, and puncuation mistakes. but nothing too serious. But i did spot one mistake that bothered me a little.
Example: Chapter 8
"...I looked up at him. "You don't understand, my life, Wen Jun, you don't understand any of it!..."
In this you wrote 'Wen Jun' but i think you really meant to put Le Cai.
Descriptions and Word Choice: 7/10
There were minor charater that were explained alot more than they should. This makes the reader think that they will=2 0become important later on. Such as the maid in Wen Jun's house and the three boys in chapter one.
Appearance (Poster and Background): 10/10
The poster and background was able to help the mood of the story. The background and the text fit together perfectly, and gave no difficulties for me to read.
Creativity and Bonus: 5/5
Overall total: 87/100
I had fun reading the story(: Thank you for choosing
timeless-memories!
Review Number 7
Title : The End
Author : UnknownViet
Reviewer : BoBoLi0us
Fanfic URL : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/end/
Title: 4/5
Even though the title is quite common to me, I think it fits the whole plot and story. A LOT .
Forewords: 8/10
I loved how you started. How usually people use the end to END a story, but instead you used it to start one. This counts in your originality.
Plot: 17/20
It is refreshing, as in you used uljjangs instead of the usual Kpop or Cpop pairings. However, this kind of storyline are seriously over used. But you made it unique when you wrote it in such a way.
Originality: 8/10
As I said, the plot is over used. But as you started the story with an END instead of a beginning, that was really what made me like the story so much.
‘The End marks the epilogue of the love I've shared for him, and the birth of the new ME.’ I loved this sentence. Enough said.
Style of Your Writing: 12/15
Your style of writing is good, but I tend to see few mistakes here and there. I take it as you have edited the story quite a number of times? Because the first time I read through the whole thing, I see weird errors. I love how contrasting the flashback and reality was too.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 12/15
Like what I said before, the first time I read this, I saw a lot of spelling errors. Not grammatical, but spelling errors. SO I was pleasantly surprised when I reread it and most of them were gone.
Descriptions and Word Choice: 8/10
There is, of course, room for improvement for everyone. You described the character and made me feel like I was watching a movie. And this is GOOD. You can use bigger words thought, especially ones that would make your readers check the dictionary,
Appearance: -/10
I will deduct this section from the evaluating system as you have no poster nor background. However, the color of the words was contrasting against the background, and thus it made the readers read easier.
Creativity and Bonus: 3/5
You have potential. As long as you work on the spelling errors, and space out the HUGE chunks of a paragraph you tend to use, it’ll be good.
Total : 82 /9o
Author : UnknownViet
Reviewer : BoBoLi0us
Fanfic URL : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/end/
Title: 4/5
Even though the title is quite common to me, I think it fits the whole plot and story. A LOT .
Forewords: 8/10
I loved how you started. How usually people use the end to END a story, but instead you used it to start one. This counts in your originality.
Plot: 17/20
It is refreshing, as in you used uljjangs instead of the usual Kpop or Cpop pairings. However, this kind of storyline are seriously over used. But you made it unique when you wrote it in such a way.
Originality: 8/10
As I said, the plot is over used. But as you started the story with an END instead of a beginning, that was really what made me like the story so much.
‘The End marks the epilogue of the love I've shared for him, and the birth of the new ME.’ I loved this sentence. Enough said.
Style of Your Writing: 12/15
Your style of writing is good, but I tend to see few mistakes here and there. I take it as you have edited the story quite a number of times? Because the first time I read through the whole thing, I see weird errors. I love how contrasting the flashback and reality was too.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 12/15
Like what I said before, the first time I read this, I saw a lot of spelling errors. Not grammatical, but spelling errors. SO I was pleasantly surprised when I reread it and most of them were gone.
Descriptions and Word Choice: 8/10
There is, of course, room for improvement for everyone. You described the character and made me feel like I was watching a movie. And this is GOOD. You can use bigger words thought, especially ones that would make your readers check the dictionary,
Appearance: -/10
I will deduct this section from the evaluating system as you have no poster nor background. However, the color of the words was contrasting against the background, and thus it made the readers read easier.
Creativity and Bonus: 3/5
You have potential. As long as you work on the spelling errors, and space out the HUGE chunks of a paragraph you tend to use, it’ll be good.
Total : 82 /9o
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Review Number 6
Reviewer: GuiLun41
Author: GuiLunForever
URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/LoveGuiLun_01
Site: timeless-memories.co.nr
Title: 5/5
I really liked the story title. Really matched well with the storyline.
Forewords: 8.5/10
The flashback was nice, but I think you gave away a major hint of what was going to happen to them over the years.
Plot: 15/20
I loved reading it! But I saw a couple flaws in the way it flowed together. For example, the way Gui Gui and Wang Zi met was rushed.
Originality: 7/10
I have read other one shots like this before: Guy and girl break up, guy moves, girl finds another guy, guy comes back to confess, girl lets go.
Style of Your Writing: 11.5/15
To me, it was the way you structured it. I lost my place a couple times and had to re-read it.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 14/15
A few minor punctuation mistakes, but its all good.
Descriptions and Word Choice: 7/10
The setting and actions of the characters could have been described a little bit more.
Appearance (Poster and Background): 10/10
I loved the background and poster. Really fit in with the story.
Creativity and Bonus: 3/5
Total of [81/100]
Author: GuiLunForever
URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/LoveGuiLun_01
Site: timeless-memories.co.nr
Title: 5/5
I really liked the story title. Really matched well with the storyline.
Forewords: 8.5/10
The flashback was nice, but I think you gave away a major hint of what was going to happen to them over the years.
Plot: 15/20
I loved reading it! But I saw a couple flaws in the way it flowed together. For example, the way Gui Gui and Wang Zi met was rushed.
Originality: 7/10
I have read other one shots like this before: Guy and girl break up, guy moves, girl finds another guy, guy comes back to confess, girl lets go.
Style of Your Writing: 11.5/15
To me, it was the way you structured it. I lost my place a couple times and had to re-read it.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 14/15
A few minor punctuation mistakes, but its all good.
Descriptions and Word Choice: 7/10
The setting and actions of the characters could have been described a little bit more.
Appearance (Poster and Background): 10/10
I loved the background and poster. Really fit in with the story.
Creativity and Bonus: 3/5
Total of [81/100]
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Review Number 5
Title: IIlegal Love
Author/s: Sea & Summer
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/CERulzRockz/
Reviewer: Georcelle
Site: www.timeless-memories.co.nr
Tilte: 8/10
~Well, your title suits the story. Your story was kind of forbidden at first but in the end, it reveals the truth.
Poster/Background: 7/10
~I like the poster/bg, just right. It made your readers comfortable to read your story. I'll give you 7 because, I just wondered why you have to put 2 pictures in it. Well, it suits the characters because their photos in the poster was hot.^^
Forewords: 8/10
~ I like the intro, so simple but meaningful.
Plot: 14/15
~I just like the plot.
Creativity/Originallity: 15/15
~ I'll give you 15 because, so far, I haven't read some stories same as your plot..so yah.^^
Writing Style: 10/10
~ Perfect writing style.
Flow: 10/10
~The flow of the story is just right. Enough to understand your readers.
Overall Enjoyment: 15/15
~ I enjoy it!^^
Bonus: 5/5
~ I'll give you bonus because, as I can see, you really had a hard time doing the story, esp. the rated scene. So yeah, update soon!^^
TOTAL :92/100
Author/s: Sea & Summer
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/CERulzRockz/
Reviewer: Georcelle
Site: www.timeless-memories.co.nr
Tilte: 8/10
~Well, your title suits the story. Your story was kind of forbidden at first but in the end, it reveals the truth.
Poster/Background: 7/10
~I like the poster/bg, just right. It made your readers comfortable to read your story. I'll give you 7 because, I just wondered why you have to put 2 pictures in it. Well, it suits the characters because their photos in the poster was hot.^^
Forewords: 8/10
~ I like the intro, so simple but meaningful.
Plot: 14/15
~I just like the plot.
Creativity/Originallity: 15/15
~ I'll give you 15 because, so far, I haven't read some stories same as your plot..so yah.^^
Writing Style: 10/10
~ Perfect writing style.
Flow: 10/10
~The flow of the story is just right. Enough to understand your readers.
Overall Enjoyment: 15/15
~ I enjoy it!^^
Bonus: 5/5
~ I'll give you bonus because, as I can see, you really had a hard time doing the story, esp. the rated scene. So yeah, update soon!^^
TOTAL :92/100
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Review Number 4
We’ll Take It Slow This Time by guilun_united
http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/guilun_united/
Reviewed By Tina
Title: 5/5
I love your title and I think it’s something new!
Forewords: 10/10
I love your forewords. It was really good. It really touched my heart!
Plot: 20/20
The plot is GOOD! This story is so me.. I mean, not exactly, but yea! Haha!
Originality: 10/10
Your originality is great. Making your own story like this is great!
Style of Your Writing: 13/15
I kind of had a hard time reading it in the beginning, because you didn’t skip the lines. But I understood it after that!
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 14/15
I found a couple of mistakes, but it’s cool though. I still like your story.
Descriptions and Word Choice: 10/10
I had a heart break when you said Aaron left GuiGui. I cried and wanted to beat up Aaron. Your story is so touching.
Appearance (Poster and Background): 9/10
Your poster is great, I love it, and it’s good.
Creativity and Bonus: 5/5
Your creativity is good! I give you 5 bonus points for it.
Total: 86/100
http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/guilun_united/
Reviewed By Tina
Title: 5/5
I love your title and I think it’s something new!
Forewords: 10/10
I love your forewords. It was really good. It really touched my heart!
Plot: 20/20
The plot is GOOD! This story is so me.. I mean, not exactly, but yea! Haha!
Originality: 10/10
Your originality is great. Making your own story like this is great!
Style of Your Writing: 13/15
I kind of had a hard time reading it in the beginning, because you didn’t skip the lines. But I understood it after that!
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 14/15
I found a couple of mistakes, but it’s cool though. I still like your story.
Descriptions and Word Choice: 10/10
I had a heart break when you said Aaron left GuiGui. I cried and wanted to beat up Aaron. Your story is so touching.
Appearance (Poster and Background): 9/10
Your poster is great, I love it, and it’s good.
Creativity and Bonus: 5/5
Your creativity is good! I give you 5 bonus points for it.
Total: 86/100
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Review Number 3
Author : ChristAineXtine
Title : No Way Out
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/CX_08/
Status : Completed
Reviewer : Fahrenheit_love @ timeless-memories.co.nr
Title: 4/5
The title fits perfectly! Very well thought out… But it’s somewhat common…
Forewords: 8/10
It was very interesting! Your forewords made me want to read on. But, I feel like you gave away too much information; like your forewords was a mini summary of your story.
Plot: 17/20
Your plot was unique. It broke my heart to see Chun-Ella Split up! But, the ending was very unique… Her getting raped by her own husband… wow. It was nice you told the flashback of how Wu Chun and Ella met in the café…
Originality: 8/10
I said above that your story is unique; it is! But the whole break up, move on, be friends thing is very common in a fanfic. But, like I said, the fact that she got raped by Baron in the end and could do nothing about it was different.
Style of Writing: 13/15
Your style of writing is very common; a lot of people write like this… but I think you should have used different structure for your writing. If you don’t understand what I mean, here is an example:
“Chun felt sorry for his self. He felt confused on what he did that made her say those words.”
Instead you could have said- “Chun felt sorry for himself; feeling confused of what he did that would make her say those words.”
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 12/15
Nothing too wrong with your story; a few grammar mistakes here and there, a couple of spelling mistakes, ect… It seemed like maybe you were in a hurry to type and didn’t proof-read. Proof reading is very important. For instance, you called Ella, he, a couple of times and Baron, she; there were a few grammar mistakes like:
“Well, she was used to that because he never did give him any company for a lot of days already.”
It should be: “Well, she was used that since he never did give HER any company for MANY days already.”
And there were times you missed the commas and periods and quotation marks. Again, proof-reading would fix that.
Descriptions and Word Choice: 8/10
I could feel the pain and the heartache. You did a very good job describing things… but your word choice was nothing impressive. It was very common. I suggest a thesaurus maybe?
Appearance: 10/10
I really like your poster and background! No complaints!
Creativity and Bonus: 4/5
I enjoyed your story very much. It was unique and interesting. Good job! Also, I love Chunella- even though they didn’t end up together…! Keep up the good work!
Total: 84/100
Title : No Way Out
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/CX_08/
Status : Completed
Reviewer : Fahrenheit_love @ timeless-memories.co.nr
Title: 4/5
The title fits perfectly! Very well thought out… But it’s somewhat common…
Forewords: 8/10
It was very interesting! Your forewords made me want to read on. But, I feel like you gave away too much information; like your forewords was a mini summary of your story.
Plot: 17/20
Your plot was unique. It broke my heart to see Chun-Ella Split up! But, the ending was very unique… Her getting raped by her own husband… wow. It was nice you told the flashback of how Wu Chun and Ella met in the café…
Originality: 8/10
I said above that your story is unique; it is! But the whole break up, move on, be friends thing is very common in a fanfic. But, like I said, the fact that she got raped by Baron in the end and could do nothing about it was different.
Style of Writing: 13/15
Your style of writing is very common; a lot of people write like this… but I think you should have used different structure for your writing. If you don’t understand what I mean, here is an example:
“Chun felt sorry for his self. He felt confused on what he did that made her say those words.”
Instead you could have said- “Chun felt sorry for himself; feeling confused of what he did that would make her say those words.”
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 12/15
Nothing too wrong with your story; a few grammar mistakes here and there, a couple of spelling mistakes, ect… It seemed like maybe you were in a hurry to type and didn’t proof-read. Proof reading is very important. For instance, you called Ella, he, a couple of times and Baron, she; there were a few grammar mistakes like:
“Well, she was used to that because he never did give him any company for a lot of days already.”
It should be: “Well, she was used that since he never did give HER any company for MANY days already.”
And there were times you missed the commas and periods and quotation marks. Again, proof-reading would fix that.
Descriptions and Word Choice: 8/10
I could feel the pain and the heartache. You did a very good job describing things… but your word choice was nothing impressive. It was very common. I suggest a thesaurus maybe?
Appearance: 10/10
I really like your poster and background! No complaints!
Creativity and Bonus: 4/5
I enjoyed your story very much. It was unique and interesting. Good job! Also, I love Chunella- even though they didn’t end up together…! Keep up the good work!
Total: 84/100
Monday, March 30, 2009
Review Nymber Two
Title: Crazy Love
Author: Hirin
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Hirin3/
Reviewed by: JaeCherry
Title: 4/5
It fits with your story very well but my only complaint is that it’s not original. It sounds like an everyday title. But the fact that it’s a song of TVXQ’s makes it intertwine into your story nicely.
Forewords: 10/10
You did a good job summarizing the point of your story and making it sound worthwhile to read. I have to admit, it really caught my attention.
Plot: 18/20
Your plot was attention-grabbing and I wanted to read more to find out what happened next. I also liked how your character is like a real person going through things that could really happen. I just hope you keep in mind that real people have hard times too though, it seems as though your character’s life is going to have all happy endings, which makes it a bit predictable.
Originality: 10/10
I don’t see anything in your story that has been repeated over and over again. Your story is truly yours and it makes it much more exciting for the reader.
Writing Style: 12/15
Your writing style is really remarkable. Besides the grammar and spelling mistakes, it was an amazing five chapters. :)
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 9/15
I found some mistakes here. Even though they were tiny, there were a lot.
Instead of doing this:
“YooYin yelled and hugged me from the side. Her twin on the other.”
“Thanks you two. Say shouldn't you drink less! You're still under-age!”
“It was them who said we where allowed!”
Do this:
“YooYin yelled and hugged me from the side, then her twin on the other.”
“Thanks you two. Say, shouldn’t you be drinking less? You’re still underage!”
“It was them who said we were allowed!”
I also realized that you were using a lot of words such as leaved and buyed. Use past tense words such as left and bought instead.
Word Choice: 6/10
I didn’t see many flashy words in your story. Even though your story was interesting and very intriguing, remember to occasionally use a word or two that stands out!
Appearance/Poster/Background: 10/10
The poster is very cute! I loved it, the pictures of TVXQ were amazing. I also thought the way you made it look patched up was very unique and original. Good job!
Bonus: 5/5
I really appreciated the fact that you credited the person that created your poster/background and also wrote back to your readers. I’ll be looking forward to your future updates, good luck!
Total: 74/100
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Review Number 1
Title: Vanity
Author: Miss Cheryline
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Anndrise2/
Reviewed by: Sweetcherry
Title: 5/5
The title suits your story perfectly. It fits the idea of Gui Gui's illusion of her life. Plus, it's not a common title, as far as I know.
Forewords: 10/10
You didn't give away to much information about the story. It's just enough. At first, I honestly have no idea of what your story would be about. But after I read it, the forewords make perfect sense! This is how a forewords suppose to be like, so nice job!
Plot: 18/20
The plot is great! It's not a typical love story. When I found out that their marriage isn't base on love but rather on each other's benefits and there's a hint of "love can be nurtured", I thought that they would get together in the end, somehow. Turned out, it's not like that. Although you did mention a sad ending, I still hoped for something happy. The ending did make me sad ...for a few minutes, but overall, it's what makes your story stands out. Leave the readers an impression afterward is always important, even if it's just a few minutes!
You described the characters' feelings and personalities well. Although the story focused more on Gui Gui's point of view, I still got a good picture of Aaron. In the end, when Gui Gui called him and figured out what he was doing, her disappointment and sadness really stood out to the readers. As I said before, it really made me sad. You made Aaron looked like a bad guy in here, which doesn't happen often since we're always see him as someone perfect - Charming Prince. You completely twisted, or should I say, destroyed, this image! It doesn't really matter as long as the characters fit in your storyline. Sometimes, a little twist here and there won't hurt.
I took a few points of because this whole storyline isn't that creative. A marriage based on benefits instead of true love leads to an unhappy life. Does this sound familiar to anyone?
Originality: 6/10
This story isn't really original since the storyline is rather a common issue. Maybe a little twist in the end?
Style of your writing: 15/15
Nothing to comment here. Your writing's style is just perfect. It's what makes your story so special and unique although the storyline isn't that all original!
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 15/15
I found no evidence against you in this criteria!
Descriptions and Word Choice: 10/10
The descriptions are well-written.Your vocabulary is great and you know how to use it in the story.
These are my favorites: "The chances of a happy marriage would drastically decrease if either one of the party gives just one percent less. What about our couple here? Were they doing all that was needed to ensure a happy marriage? Wasn’t there a saying, you reap what you sow? But alas, all the books blinded them of the real and vital knowledge of life."
Appearance (Poster and Background): 2/10
You don't have a poster/background. They said "Don't judge the book by it's cover", but we still do anyway. You really need something visually attract in your story.
Creativity and Bonus: 3/5
Bonus points for such an excellent storytelling skill! I really enjoyed reading this story! Keep up the good work!
Total: 84/100
Author: Miss Cheryline
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Anndrise2/
Reviewed by: Sweetcherry
Title: 5/5
The title suits your story perfectly. It fits the idea of Gui Gui's illusion of her life. Plus, it's not a common title, as far as I know.
Forewords: 10/10
You didn't give away to much information about the story. It's just enough. At first, I honestly have no idea of what your story would be about. But after I read it, the forewords make perfect sense! This is how a forewords suppose to be like, so nice job!
Plot: 18/20
The plot is great! It's not a typical love story. When I found out that their marriage isn't base on love but rather on each other's benefits and there's a hint of "love can be nurtured", I thought that they would get together in the end, somehow. Turned out, it's not like that. Although you did mention a sad ending, I still hoped for something happy. The ending did make me sad ...for a few minutes, but overall, it's what makes your story stands out. Leave the readers an impression afterward is always important, even if it's just a few minutes!
You described the characters' feelings and personalities well. Although the story focused more on Gui Gui's point of view, I still got a good picture of Aaron. In the end, when Gui Gui called him and figured out what he was doing, her disappointment and sadness really stood out to the readers. As I said before, it really made me sad. You made Aaron looked like a bad guy in here, which doesn't happen often since we're always see him as someone perfect - Charming Prince. You completely twisted, or should I say, destroyed, this image! It doesn't really matter as long as the characters fit in your storyline. Sometimes, a little twist here and there won't hurt.
I took a few points of because this whole storyline isn't that creative. A marriage based on benefits instead of true love leads to an unhappy life. Does this sound familiar to anyone?
Originality: 6/10
This story isn't really original since the storyline is rather a common issue. Maybe a little twist in the end?
Style of your writing: 15/15
Nothing to comment here. Your writing's style is just perfect. It's what makes your story so special and unique although the storyline isn't that all original!
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 15/15
I found no evidence against you in this criteria!
Descriptions and Word Choice: 10/10
The descriptions are well-written.Your vocabulary is great and you know how to use it in the story.
These are my favorites: "The chances of a happy marriage would drastically decrease if either one of the party gives just one percent less. What about our couple here? Were they doing all that was needed to ensure a happy marriage? Wasn’t there a saying, you reap what you sow? But alas, all the books blinded them of the real and vital knowledge of life."
Appearance (Poster and Background): 2/10
You don't have a poster/background. They said "Don't judge the book by it's cover", but we still do anyway. You really need something visually attract in your story.
Creativity and Bonus: 3/5
Bonus points for such an excellent storytelling skill! I really enjoyed reading this story! Keep up the good work!
Total: 84/100
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