Review Nymber Two

Title: Crazy Love

Author: Hirin

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Hirin3/

Reviewed by: JaeCherry

Title: 4/5
It fits with your story very well but my only complaint is that it’s not original. It sounds like an everyday title. But the fact that it’s a song of TVXQ’s makes it intertwine into your story nicely.

Forewords: 10/10
You did a good job summarizing the point of your story and making it sound worthwhile to read. I have to admit, it really caught my attention.

Plot: 18/20
Your plot was attention-grabbing and I wanted to read more to find out what happened next. I also liked how your character is like a real person going through things that could really happen. I just hope you keep in mind that real people have hard times too though, it seems as though your character’s life is going to have all happy endings, which makes it a bit predictable.

Originality: 10/10
I don’t see anything in your story that has been repeated over and over again. Your story is truly yours and it makes it much more exciting for the reader.

Writing Style: 12/15
Your writing style is really remarkable. Besides the grammar and spelling mistakes, it was an amazing five chapters. :)

Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 9/15
I found some mistakes here. Even though they were tiny, there were a lot.

Instead of doing this:

“YooYin yelled and hugged me from the side. Her twin on the other.”

“Thanks you two. Say shouldn't you drink less! You're still under-age!”

“It was them who said we where allowed!”

Do this:

“YooYin yelled and hugged me from the side, then her twin on the other.”

“Thanks you two. Say, shouldn’t you be drinking less? You’re still underage!”

“It was them who said we were allowed!”

I also realized that you were using a lot of words such as leaved and buyed. Use past tense words such as left and bought instead.

Word Choice: 6/10
I didn’t see many flashy words in your story. Even though your story was interesting and very intriguing, remember to occasionally use a word or two that stands out!

Appearance/Poster/Background: 10/10
The poster is very cute! I loved it, the pictures of TVXQ were amazing. I also thought the way you made it look patched up was very unique and original. Good job!

Bonus: 5/5
I really appreciated the fact that you credited the person that created your poster/background and also wrote back to your readers. I’ll be looking forward to your future updates, good luck!

Total: 74/100

Review Number 1

Title: Vanity
Author: Miss Cheryline
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Anndrise2/
Reviewed by: Sweetcherry

Title: 5/5
The title suits your story perfectly. It fits the idea of Gui Gui's illusion of her life. Plus, it's not a common title, as far as I know.

Forewords: 10/10
You didn't give away to much information about the story. It's just enough. At first, I honestly have no idea of what your story would be about. But after I read it, the forewords make perfect sense! This is how a forewords suppose to be like, so nice job!

Plot: 18/20
The plot is great! It's not a typical love story. When I found out that their marriage isn't base on love but rather on each other's benefits and there's a hint of "love can be nurtured", I thought that they would get together in the end, somehow. Turned out, it's not like that. Although you did mention a sad ending, I still hoped for something happy. The ending did make me sad ...for a few minutes, but overall, it's what makes your story stands out. Leave the readers an impression afterward is always important, even if it's just a few minutes!

You described the characters' feelings and personalities well. Although the story focused more on Gui Gui's point of view, I still got a good picture of Aaron. In the end, when Gui Gui called him and figured out what he was doing, her disappointment and sadness really stood out to the readers. As I said before, it really made me sad. You made Aaron looked like a bad guy in here, which doesn't happen often since we're always see him as someone perfect - Charming Prince. You completely twisted, or should I say, destroyed, this image! It doesn't really matter as long as the characters fit in your storyline. Sometimes, a little twist here and there won't hurt.
I took a few points of because this whole storyline isn't that creative. A marriage based on benefits instead of true love leads to an unhappy life. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

Originality: 6/10
This story isn't really original since the storyline is rather a common issue. Maybe a little twist in the end?

Style of your writing: 15/15
Nothing to comment here. Your writing's style is just perfect. It's what makes your story so special and unique although the storyline isn't that all original!

Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 15/15
I found no evidence against you in this criteria!

Descriptions and Word Choice: 10/10
The descriptions are well-written.Your vocabulary is great and you know how to use it in the story.
These are my favorites: "The chances of a happy marriage would drastically decrease if either one of the party gives just one percent less. What about our couple here? Were they doing all that was needed to ensure a happy marriage? Wasn’t there a saying, you reap what you sow? But alas, all the books blinded them of the real and vital knowledge of life."

Appearance (Poster and Background): 2/10
You don't have a poster/background. They said "Don't judge the book by it's cover", but we still do anyway. You really need something visually attract in your story.

Creativity and Bonus: 3/5
Bonus points for such an excellent storytelling skill! I really enjoyed reading this story! Keep up the good work!

Total: 84/100